Mixtape: Christmas Pervert Mix, Vol. 1 by Matt Gunn
A naughty list.
Merry holidays!
Traditionally, this is the busiest time of the year for traditions—and Green Bananas is no exception. It’s finally time for the annual Christmas mixtape!
This year our final mix comes from my friend Matt Gunn. Matt is a writer in Los Angeles and has also been called “the greatest tee ball coach of his generation.”
He’s crafted this mix out of love and has nothing specific to plug... other than his intimate and exhaustive knowledge of filthy dirty Christmas songs.
Check out Christmas Pervert Mix, Vol. 1 for an hour of highly suggestive songs and read our conversation about the joy of Christmas music, the nuance of innuendo, and what it’s like to make a mixtape in the shadow of a brother who is famous for making mixtapes.
▶︎ Listen to Christmas Pervert Mix, Vol. 1 by Matt Gunn
Tracklist:
Big Bulbs - Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings, Saun & Starr
Back Door Santa - Clarence Carter
Candy Cane Lane - Sia
Trim Your Tree - Jimmy Butler
Santa Claus Got Stuck (In My Chimney) - Ella Fitzgerald
Purple Snowflakes - Marvin Gaye
Christmas Tree - Lady Gaga, Space Cowboy
I’ve Got Some Presents For Santa - Sarah Taylor and Bill Mumy
Bring Me Love - John Legend
Dear Santa ( Bring Me a Man This Christmas), Pt. 1 - The Weather Girls
Fairytale of New York - The Pogues feat. Kirsty MacColl
It Snowed - Meaghan Smith
I’ll Be Your Santa Baby - Rufus Thomas
Dick In a Box - The Lonely Island feat. Justin Timberlake
Maybe Next Year (X-Mas Song) - Meiko
I’ll Make Everyday Christmas (For My Woman) - Joe Tex
GREEN BANANAS: Okay, let’s cut right to the chase: are you a huge fan of Christmas music or just a huge fan of pervert music?
MATT GUNN: Both.
How long have you been collecting pervert Christmas music?
Years ago, I wrote a screenplay about Christmas, sex, and racism—a precise combination of things to guarantee a movie will never get made. But I put together a soundtrack that included several of these songs.
So, enlighten me, is “pervert music” even the right terminology or do you have another name for this subgenre of Christmas music?
Yeah, I just call it “Christmas music.” Here’s the thing: a lot of Christmas music, perhaps most, is rife with filthy innuendo. Some more than others, obviously. I mean, you don’t need a PhD in semiotics to figure out “Santa Claus Got Stuck (In My Chimney).”
Or “Back Door Santa.”
Yes, although I originally assumed that one was about a Santa who enjoys butt play. But it turns out back in the 60’s, when it was written, a “back door man” was a blue collar guy who’d sneak in through a backdoor to get it on with another man’s lady. Like I need to tell you, Joe.
Springsteen once said that “winners use the door”—he never specified which. But, I mean, is it possible Clarence Carter had both meanings in mind?
Perhaps even likely. The man’s a genius. How about the party starter song, “Big Bulbs”? Sharon Jones and The Dap Kings really, really love big bulbs. Can’t get enough of ‘em.
Hey, they like big bulbs and they cannot lie. I get it. Though some of this perviness is maybe even too nuanced for me. I mean, I’ve heard of Purple Rain, but Purple Snowflakes?
Yeah, I don’t know what Marvin Gaye was talking about, but my null hypothesis with Christmas music is that he meant something dirty. It also helps that it’s a really good song that I enjoy listening to. My favorites are the ones that are so on the nose they eventually just give up all pretense, as if the constant dirty metaphor-ing has become too tiring. Like Lady Gaga starts off with how awesome it is to get under her Christmas tree and light her up and “Let’s falala,” then abruptly goes completely literal, “Aw, screw it, what I really mean is ‘Let’s take off our clothes.’”
And yet, the metaphor is so irresistible to her that she jumps right back into it with the next line: “My Christmas tree’s delicious!” We’re not so far from the shallow now, are we? Are there any other noteworthy sexy Christmas songs that didn’t make the cut?
There are seriously about 20 I left off this list. One that should definitely be on is “I Know What You Want for Christmas” by Kay Martin and Her Bodyguards, a classic of the genre. But it’s too cool for Spotify, apparently.
What is your relationship with Christmas music in general?
It makes me happy. When I was little, my Mom would bring out the Holiday Sing Along with Mitch Miller early every year, and I was all over it. Now, my 11-year-old daughter, Grace, has a rule: no Christmas music until after Thanksgiving. Starting about summer, now and then I commandeer the family room Sonos to sneak blast the first few bars of Burl Ives’s “A Holly Jolly Christmas”. She gets so mad. Her younger brother thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world. It’s become a little tradition.
Speaking of family, you come from a big one that is full of mixtape makers. Your brother James Gunn is responsible for the Guardians of the Galaxy mixtapes, which were… mildly successful. So where do you rank in the family in regard to musical taste?
I think Jimmy’s first Guardians of the Galaxy mix went double platinum or something. I’m hoping this can go at least single pewter.
Actually, it already has—though, unfortunately, it’s a lead-based alloy. On that note, do you have a Christmas message you’d like to offer the listeners?
Thanks for the opportunity, Joe. I’m a big fan of what you and your friends are doing here on Green Bananas. The interviews make me laugh and I’ve discovered some great songs here. Merry Fucking Christmas!
Thanks to Matt for spicing up the typically redundant and bland music of the holiday season. Of course, if this was too spicy for you, then check out last year’s mix, Muddled Through, which offered some accompaniment for everyone’s unaccompanied Christmas in quarantine.
And thus concludes year one of Green Bananas. 🍌 🍌 🍌
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Big things coming in 2022. But also little things. More bite-sized things. We’ll be scaling things back. But also, in a way, expanding. It will be fun probably.
Are you an interesting person who likes music and would like to contribute to the club? Get in touch in the comments.
Until next time. Stay safe. Stay sane.
Cheers.